Casualty report: I was again attacked by Tank, a Shar Pei mix belonging to my brother-in-law. This time for a gentle hindquarters massage. He doesn’t like me. I admit I have a storied history of antagonizing dogs: wheelbarrowing, blowing in face, loving headlocks, tail grabs, snout sneezes. Still, all of this is, to me, unbounded fun. Why can’t these mutts just loosen up?