Last week came this dreadful pronouncement from my wife. I had been preparing the pets for our nightly Fawapekiti (“family walk pets and kids time”). Eager to hit the road, I questioned her state of preparation for the outing. Instead of a “I still need to grab the pacifiers” she comes out with that urgent plea for delay, as the “Beverly Hills, 90210” kids were facing a calamitous predicament. (Their stress levels amusingly mimic those of the Scooby-Doo crew). Never mind the twins, who’ve been starved for fresh air all afternoon. And poo-poo the pets, by now crossing their legs in strained anticipation of their first walk (and poo-poo) that day. If there’s any risk of Donna Martin missing the big ceremony, we’ll just have to stay home and ensure this doesn’t happen.

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