Yo-yos consumed an estimated 14.4 hours of an average American 9 year-olds average week in 2009. (The average American 9 year-old, if you require this information, is 157 lbs.). These astounding figures—on the obsessive use of the yo-yo, not the earth-groaning weight problem of our youth—come not from the Yo-Yo Institute, or its recently split-off rebel organization, the Institute of Yo-Yos. They derive from acute observations of 4th graders undertaken by Yo-Yo Pa, the grandson of the father of the Yo-yo.

The above statement should not suggest that the seemingly harmless double-donut toys, available in wacky neon plastic, actually consume, or horrifyingly devour little boys and girls who crave little from life but that a toy they send spinning down towards the earth should come back up the string like a spider on its web. (Though, some kids of 9 years can be quite sassy and unappreciative, causing their caretakers to wish wickedly that the yo-yos will swallow the kids whole, or at least in manageable chunks). No, simply, the data relates that a large slice of a large child’s day is gratefully devoted not to smoking or frying ants with a magnifying glass, but to an innocent pursuit of an early onset of carpel tunnel.