Woodpeckers “come” in scores of species and sizes. Ultimately, they leave this world in the same variety of species and sizes, though their dimensions do diminish once death does them in.

Before they reach the skeletal stage, woodpeckers hint at being happy birds. This is not because the ability to drill and hammer from one sunrise to the next seems like a damn swell way to spend your day. It is precisely due to all the pecking that woodpeckers developed a small brain to limit damage thereto. Everyone knows that with a large brain come large responsibilities and headaches and the need for a massive pillow. You show me someone who can sleep soundly on one of those.

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